Training while recovering from injury is never fun. Two steps forward and one step back. Each session hurts, and you end up living for those moments when you get a stretch where the pain goes away which makes it a good day. The problem is, when the pain doesn't go away, in fact it gets worse. Reminding you of how far you have left to go.. and you end up just having enough... and let rip.
My long run this weekend was a bad day. Somehow everything just went backwards. It wasn't a particularly long run. 14km in the end. However, everything felt heavy, sluggish, unnecessarily difficult and painful. The tendonitis flared up without me even pushing it. Something that just pissed me off.
Ramblers could hear me coming from a mile away while the word 'F*ck' and 'B*llocks' carried gently on the afternoon breeze as I (slowly) approached. And then muttered under my breath as I caught up with my expletives.
Was it the low energy? Maybe. Was it the 30K I did last week? Quite likely. Was it just the culmination of a week of disappointing training progress? It felt that way.
Regardless, it was unpleasant. Not the slow motion, free running of glory so many ultra runners have you believe awaits you through the trails. No. It was the trundling, swearing, teeth gritting misery that is the reality of the Average Joe. Little freedom. No glory. Lots of slow motion. Just discomfort and feeling entirely disconnected.
Some describe the feelings on a trail run akin to a religious experience... for me it felt like a few hours with the Spanish Inquisition.
After the culmination of what was a shit week of progress (actually a performance reversal overall). I've decided to take a few days off running. Let the tendonitis ease off with the help of my trusty ice pack. Let the energy get back into my legs and simply focus on a bit of work on my spin bike and a few walks just to keep things moving, along with some stretching and calf strengthening.
I'm awaiting the moment when my energy levels start to improve. At the moment I can feel I'm getting closer to fat adapting but not quite there yet. The diet sacrifices are real. I'm living on salad, meat, eggs, almonds and veg. It doesn't help my mood watching everyone have milkshakes and Turkish bread for dinner while I chew on yet another lamb chop and salad. Not when despite being nearly 9Kg lighter than when I started, I'm running my 14K trail circuit slower than I've ever run it (including when I was training last year before the injuries got out of hand).
Maybe this is part of the transition period? The final death throes of my old ways trying to trick me into quitting and submission. A stark reminder of how far away I am from running a 100Km... It won't work though. I'm not going to give in to it. My 'why' is too strong for that. It's what I keep coming back to. I'm progressing and this means too much to me to surrender to a few bad days. It's just another tool I can use to build that bloody-minded refusal to give up just because things hurt. Yes, I'll bitch and I'll moan, but I will progress. Even if it is painfully slow.
Everyone deals with disappointment and pain in their own way. Some let it get them down. Others lose their shit. Others quietly soldier on. Many just say 'fuck it' it's not worth it. Me? I swear, I get angry at myself, I look at what is going wrong, and then I do my best to learn the lesson and push through it. It goes one of two ways. It breaks me or I break it. I get to be the person who get's knocked down nine times and get up ten. And, once through the other side, finally the sun will shine....
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