186. Mission Failure - It didn't mean enough

Saturday I took on the Peak District 100. ...it did not go well. I won't labour the day, as it simply did not go the way I had wanted it to. I have a sum total of 8 blisters on my left foot, earned in the first 25km, and a nasty hip issue all in my left leg. By quarter of the way through I knew I didn't want to finish. I ended up stopping at 54km (the halfway rest stop) and I was entirely at ease with my choice to not push on and have a miserable night on the last 48Km. It just wasn't worth it to me. Having spoken to my friend G (Bravo to him and Simon for finishing the whole route!) on our way home, I knew why. It wasn't the issues I've had all year this year. I could have forced my way through the second half. I just didn't want to. I didn't need to. It simply did not mean enough to me to finish it. The challenge lacked the meaning to me in order to make a success of it.

Meaning matters. Especially when doing very hard things. To go against the grain of your natural leanings it a high friction process. Having a strong enough 'why' is essential. I've been in a high friction state with all this since I began on this road. It's draining, and it's painful. There comes a time when you need to change direction or risk running yourself into the ground. This is that time.

I had already made my mind up coming into this that I was going to take next year out from any big challenges. I told my friends and my wife beforehand. All this challenge did was underline that this is the right choice.

There are numerous things I need to fix. My weight, my hip, my ankle/achilles, my back... to name a few. I've pushed incredibly hard the last few years for my body type. I've fought against the physics and paid a significant price in order to do stuff that is generally seen as unthinkable for most people in my shoes. I proved it could be done so have little to prove.

I'll keep a bit of trail running in my training as it's fantastic to get out on the trails, but I need to focus on 'gene expression' to get the best results for me. That is shorter, high intensity, high speed, high power work. It's what I'm built for. It's what has always gotten me the results I want and it's what I end up becoming very good at.

I'm on a trajectory to more issues if I carry on with long and slow, and very high volume right now. Much needs to change. It'll be a different experience if I'm 15-20kgs lighter (like removing a bag of cement from your back!); and if I'm back to my nimble and powerful best. But, most of all I miss the speed.

I miss being fast. I miss being strong. I miss being agile. That is MY 'ultra' for the next year or so. I'm choosing to turn my body-clock back, by leaning in to what I am programmed to be. I guess I've shown that going really far can be done. by someone old, heavy and busted. My kids have seen their dad go against the odds and succeed through following the process and committing to the work. 300km in 6 days is quite a thing. It was remarkable for someone like me to achieve, so there's no real way of topping it without utterly brutalising myself in my current condition.

Now I'd like them to see what's possible when you start playing to your strengths.

The best next step is a year focusing on the stuff that I am naturally aligned to. To lean in and work with my body to get the best response from it. I'm taking the next few weeks to figure out what that looks like. This is just another step on my long road, and should make for interesting reading. While this particular mission failed on this occasion, the war is FAR from over. Thanks for reading...