You'd think that in order for an overweight, injured, middle-aged man to decide to run 50, 100, then 300km, they would need to have a pretty good f*cking reason to do so. It's far from easy... in fact, it's the pain-equivalent of willingly choosing to feed your testicles into a mangle and leave them in the machinery for days on end. So why would I (along with plenty of other loons) choose to do something like this? I mean, it requires months (in my case years) of discomfort, pain, uncertainty, effort, sacrifices, failures, testing, adapting and commitment... so why do it? I have asked myself this a few times. Originally it was about raising money for a charity very personal to me and to millions of others: Cancer Research UK. It's still about that, of course... though if truth be told, if it was simply about raising money, it would have been much easier (and cheaper) if I had simply given £3000 to the charity and then picked up the remote on my TV while eating a slice of Pizza.
But that's not enough.
Choosing an altruistic goal for charity is strong, however, it needs to be about ourselves as well as others. The 'Why' has to be powerful enough to endure hardship, setbacks, disappointments and failures. Does the overarching reason you take on a goal have enough emotion attached to be an endless supply of energy at the times when you need it most?
It has to be strong enough that every little micro-milestone and successful step forward feels good in some way. While you have a BFG (Big F*cking Goal), such as running further than you've gone before, there are hundreds of steps on the way to get there. You might run the challenge for charity, but is that really what you are thinking about in the long lonely months before, when you are tired AF, hobbling like you've shat your pants, dragging yourself up at 5am in the middle of winter, nursing injury, to get out in the mud, ice and rain? For some, perhaps. The Charity may be important enough to always be at the front of mind. For me it is certainly emotive and important, but it is not the core reason why. The most important aspect of 'Why' for me is in two parts...
My kids
For me to see what is possible against the odds
Why for My kids: because I want to set an example that no matter how difficult the goal is, there is a way (and a process) to reach it. That it takes courage in facing fears, relentless commitment, and constant forward action.
That you can commit to changing what's necessary, and that it's OK to change, evolve, and grow. And that a bit of suffering and pain is only temporary, and in pushing through challenges along the way, you learn and you grow to a point that few things phase you as you can trust (because you have proven to yourself) that there is always a way if you are prepared to do what is needed to get there.
Why for Me: because I needed to change. To transform myself physically, connect better spiritually, and reinforce that so much more is possible than you could achieve if you do not allow nor accept the world to define what your limits should be. That I do not have to accept the point where I am stood today. That I can change it for the better.
This is the same with respect to my children. To live the example for my kids... to walk my talk. Build humility and honesty in where I am really at,; and that's it OK that, wherever I am, it is the point where I start to move forward from. That it's OK to screw up, as long as you don't give up, and that you learn the right lesson from it.
The reality is that in some way, it should always be about us. How we grow and move forward. That's the secret to achieving big goals over time.
...And there's science to back this up. Dopamine... the currency of everything
Dopamine is the currency of reward for everything achieved in the animal kingdom. From training your dog, through to achieving Olympic success, dopamine is the chemical released by the brain that makes every mammal (including us) on earth feel better.
Food, success, drugs, etc are all triggers for dopamine release in our brain. And it is highly addictive. This is why achieving goals, workouts, success in securing a new partner, etc. etc. can be highly addictive. It's chemistry.
Getting a regular dopamine fix can drive a thirst for more. This is why people are easily addicted to exercise (as it releases dopamine), in the same way people get addicted to food, or even scoring goals in football. It's even more so when it is attached to goal setting and is why it's so important to have small step-stone goals that allow for frequent dopamine hits.
The Famous Psychologists BF Skinner and Pavolv (of Pavolv's Dog fame)'s, work was all around operant conditioning. How to condition behaviour to achieve a desired outcome. The positive side of their work was on positive reinforcement, because they recognised that you can stimulate positive actions with positive rewards due to dopamine releases. (We won't talk about some of their ethically questionable experiments directly though). We understand so much more now about the role of dopamine and how it reinforces actions (from drug, food, gambling addiction - negative actions; to exercise, success and drive - positive ones). And this is where we can use it to our advantage when taking on BFG's (Big F*cking Goals).
If we have small daily goals that are easily within reach, do you notice how you get that pang of feel-good. Want to get up early for a run? Notice how you feel momentarily when you get your trainers laced up and get out the door.
Want to lose a few pounds? Notice how you feel slightly better refusing the donut your wife just offered you on a non-cheat day (this literally just happened to me while writing this!)? These are small hits of dopamine and they reinforce the behaviour by creating an urge to want more of those good feelings. We can use this to our advantage. Simply setting and acting upon small attainable goals, and taking a moment to appreciate them when you tackle each, reinforces more of what we want. Small steps repeated lead to big outcomes over time. This is where we set our direction through the big goal, but our drive to take the repeated forward steps is set by having a powerful reason to wanting to act. These actions then become self reinforcing as our brains associate the dopamine fee-good hit, with the innate feeling of reward for having done it.
It doesn't take long. Small feel-good hits to our reward centre in our brains, consistently builds upon itself. We miss it when it doesn't happen. The trick is to be disciplined with it, but not to overdo it, as that can lead to pushing too far too fast, and then breaking down because we pushed too much. Too much of a good thing and all that... That then means times of inaction, remorse, and then our mood changes (hormones shift). This is why it's twice as hard to get going again after going Dopamine cold-turkey and a lay-off period from taking action towards our goal.
This can, and has, happened (to me). This is where the Why matters most. It's enough to get me back into the game despite setbacks on the way. To look for the little dopamine hit from taking positive actions. Sure there are times when I've thought what it would look and feel like simply to quit before I see if I can achieve it, because it's got really hard. But the thought of accepting there is a hard ceiling is not one i want to live by, or the example I want to set.
That's why I focus on the biggest 'why' of all... 'What is possible for me to achieve?'
It's this that keeps me coming back when things go wrong, so that I can take the small actions, get the dopamine hit from it and get addicted to progress all over again.
Thanks for reading.
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