After a long and intense period of 'growth', only to see it collapse, you can be forgiven for having a few moments of rage/sadness/despair/futility/loss (delete as appropriate). It comes from having invested significant time, energy and blood-sweat-tears into any given goal only to see it collapse right in front of your own eyes. Now, many of you will have heard the typical inspirational quotes at this time:
'after creating a lightbulb after 10,000 attempts, I learned 9999 different ways how not to make a lightbulb' - Edison
Or
'Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It's the courage to continue that counts' - Churchill
They sound great, right? They're there to give hope there is always a way through. BUT... they never really tell you the f*cking truth of what it's like in the middle of when shit falls apart. While in it people can say 'This is the inevitable fire that forges the strength of the steel' or some other metaphor to try and lift you, but it's the zone where many people just quit.... right after the wheels come off...
Truth is that it's hard. It hurts. You feel shit about yourself. Shit you have to do it all over again. Shit you didn't get what you want despite all the sacrifice. Shit that you might not be good enough. Shit you have to go through it all again.
When I'm feeling at a low ebb, it is the last goddam thing I want someone to tell me. That it's part of a plan, it's necessary, it's darkest before dawn, etc. Maybe it is all of these, but what I certainly need (and may help others to know) is what is of greatest value is to think in terms of solutions.... not just that it'll get better. Hope is great, sure, but it's not much f*cking help if you don't understand what the root cause of the failure actually is in order to have credible hope you can in fact change it.
This is where rebuilding brick by brick is so important. If you can take an objective view of your situation (after having the perfectly acceptable tantrum, of course) then you can rebuild on a strong foundation, by focusing on learning what the root cause of the failure really was, before anything else. Once you have that, then you can look at the right solution. And it is a brick by brick process to build The House right..
Bricklaying
A few weeks ago, you'll know I had crashed and burned into a DNS (Did not Start) for the 300km ultramarathon multi-day challenge. The core reason being an ongoing unsolvable-so-far injury and problem in my Achilles/ankle/heel. The whole building had collapsed and I needed to figure out how I rebuilt it (or even if I could rebuild it, as the injury could have been something ultimately unfixable!).
I found a top-drawer expert physio. Who identified a MAJOR weakness in the muscles supporting that area, and that this appeared to be the root cause. The very foundations of basic functional strength for walking & running were simply not there!
Step One - FOUNDATIONS
This is the platform of the rebuild. One giant f*cking brick that needs to be laid before anything else. My Physio gave me a plan to do some VERY basic strength exercises for two weeks and then test & measure again this week. I'm pleased to report that there has been a noticeable improvement in pain reduction. For me it's huge! I can now get out of bed each morning without hopping. I can now walk down the stairs without having to come down sideways, one step at a time (I'm serious. Every fucking time, every fucking step for the last 5 months!). When sat at my office a lot of the day, I can more-often-than-not get up walk around now, and be in dramatically less pain and discomfort than two weeks ago! This is HUGE for me. These basic exercises are the very foundations to be able to run. Building some strength to be able to support my movement. I always thought that I would build strength while starting slow with running and build the progression as I built my base. WRONG.
My left leg didn't have the stabilising strength around the heel and ankle from the start. Hence the years of pain and drama, as it couldn't catch up quick enough to the speed with which my engine and capacity for distance did as I built my running base up. The value I did build though was an exceptional tolerance for misery, pain and suffering which served me well on my ultra challenges so far. :-). This will definitely serve me well as it's built crazy resilience in me to endure physical hardship. I now have progressions on this already in place. More exercises, more weight and I'm allowed to short-walk and get on the clothes-drier-with-pedals (spin bike)... though I am not allowed to come out of the seat for hill climbs on the bike yet.
BRICK 2 - THE CORNERSTONES
This is one huge wakeup call to getting the cornerstones in place. For me these are ensuring Strength/Stability/Mobility in - Soleus/Calf, Hamstrings, Glutes & Core. Four cornerstones essential to put in place next to build the house right for what I'm doing.
Without the cornerstones, I may as well lay a headstone and call it a day, as failure & suffering will be most likely.
This cornerstone laying is what I'm working on for the next two weeks. Physio said that if I carry on at the current rate of progress, I should be allowed back on the treadmill and possibly even starting to do interval jogging/walking by the end of the month. Once I start jogging then she can begin the Shockwave treatment. She wants to make sure the foundations are strong, and the cornerstones well underway first.... Smart! It's boring as sh!t, but it is essential for me to do and be strict about doing the work every day. This brings me onto the next 'Brick' I am just starting again with....
BRICK 3 - BODY COMPOSITION
Right now I'm a few steps away from building the engine again with VO2 Max training and base building for running. These are the a good month or so away as yet. These are Brick 4, building the walls. But I can get started on Brick 3, the first courses to help shape the footprint of the megastructure house i need to build for 12 months' time.
Brick 3 is really the focus around weight and body composition. I've spoken before about fat adapting ,fasting etc. But in my misery, have let that all slide. Now I know there is a way forward, I can start making some changes again to help get a head start and begin shifting my bodyweight and composition forward.
This week I've made the start by ADF (Alternate Day Fasting) across 4 days. This is No food from dinner on a Sunday night, through to Dinner the next day (Monday eve)... and only then a 500 Calorie meal.... and then nothing again until breakfast the next day. On the Tuesday, simply eat as balanced as normal, and then after dinner that evening, go again.
It's tough this week as it's the first week for a few months since fasting last. But I'm getting through it. I was reminded and inspired to kick this off now by my good buddy Graham who's just done a 4 days juice-cleanse-fast.
For me?... er no. Fuck that. My children would be at risk of being eaten after 48hrs of me having no protein. They came close the other day on my first 36hrs 'fasting' session (and that's with a 500 calorie meal in there). But G's experience did make me remember the benefits of fasting, and that I didn't need to be inflicting physical self-harm to justify doing the work on my diet and body comp/weight. If I tried a 4 day Juice Fast I'd be all kinds of.......
Nope. Not for me.
Nasty
So there you have it. Brick by brick the rebuild is starting to happen. The hardest part is always getting started. Momentum will be being built slowly across the different starting Bricks as they are laid and take shape. There is a lot to do, but I have time to do it. Doing it this way is a test of my patience as I have an impulsive streak to go gung-ho with over-enthusiasm. This is a great way to learn more self control over my impulsive tendencies and I am getting quick feedback on improvement, which is sooooo important for me to stay on-point and motivated. There will be further follow on parts to this post, as i get onto walls, roof and decoration in building the house, but will get to those when I start the next phase. Thanks for reading... and I know one of these gifs in this post will have secured waaaay more attention (and horror) than anyone would dare admit.... :-)
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