The Doldrums is a nautical term for an area of the South Atlantic known for it's still winds and waters for weeks. Notorious for leaving sailors floating helplessly for weeks on end. It was famed for resulting in low mood, even madness as ships could go nowhere when they hot the Doldrums, until such time the winds picked up again.
This last week has felt a little like that.
Truth be told, the biggest challenge is the feeling of not putting a great deal of effort into getting to where I need to go. I know that if I do, I'll find myself right back here again as I have found so many times before. It leaves you feeling guilty, lost and not liking yourself as much as you normally would. As someone who thrives on moving, to be still is tough at times.
Right now the most activity I am allowed to do is walk the dog (though not too far), and my basic exercises prescribed by the Physio.
The main thing is I miss running, and I miss the trail. My trail runs of a weekend were my time to let the week go. Connect with the outdoors; get to places without seeing people for a couple of hours; and remind myself amid the insanity that's going on in the world recently that the world is still huge and beautiful, when you're bombarded with nothing but media-fuelled reminders of fear, violence and greed.
When I'm trapped in the cycle of the day-to-day, without that time to simply be present and outdoors, it leaves me feeling adrift and waiting. I've noticed this greatly over the last couple of weeks.
Part of this may be that the 300km challenge I was due to run has been going since last week... and I'm no longer part of it. Part of it might be some very challenging situations with one of my parents health and my remaining grandparent's. It's likely a combination of all of it.
To be out on the trail, even when the weather is shitty, has become my balance. Even when in pain and even when the weather was crap. It is simple and honest and gives me the sense of freedom. You certainly do miss it when its gone.
I can feel it will come back soon enough though. My rehab training this week has gone as well as can be expected with the seated calf raises. The pain has already started to ease up in general walking around, so the Soleus must be getting stronger. Both my reps and weight has increased quickly, with my weaker leg not tiring quickly. The progressing load is working. I've my next appointment and assessment of progress early next week with Nicki the GB Physio. We may be looking at starting shockwave at that point and then progressing the exercises as the bar I'm using is starting to feel pretty heavy on the knee when performing the seated raises. I am a little behind my running target I set out a few weeks ago. But If I can get this really moving over the next few weeks then I could be returning to the treadmill relatively pain free. To be able to do so would give me the perfect platform to then build back the running frequency, distance and time quickly, as muscle-memory kicks in.... at least, that's the hope. I will know a bit more about this plan once I run it past Nicki on Tuesday.
For now though, I am starting to see the green shoots of recovery. I am blowing hard into the sail to crawl this ship forward. Next will come the oars. I can see there are clouds beginning to gather on the horizon, and the start of a gentle breeze that could be putting wind in the sails soon enough. First to come is a slight breeze, then it builds and eventually a strong wind at my sail to move me quickly towards my destination.
"Avast you Lilly-livered-land-lubbers!"
Thanks for reading...
Comments