It's been a bit silent from me the last few weeks. I've had a (well needed) 2 week holiday in the sun, and been working hard on my inner-world. I've also had a shit-ton of physical therapy to try and resolve this heel/achilles issue.
All of which has kept me quiet on my blog for a bit.
By way of an update, trhe news about my injury is not good. I had to set a line in the sand... either be back to running by the 1st of August, or have to withdraw from the 300km challenge in September...
I've had to withdraw... and I am gutted to have to do so.
The reality is that I've had 3 months without any meaningful distance running. To build the volume I need to get through a 300k multi-day ultra is simply neither possible nor wise based on where I'm at. In fact it'd be pretty reckless to try (according to my injury therapist, it'd require surgery afterwards if I attempt it while still injured). I'd need to go from zero to 300K in 6 weeks, and that just is not going to happen.
While I'm crazy, I'm not stupid. It's too far a distance to start out broken and without the miles in my legs. Having endured a DNF last year 84k into a 100k ultra, to travel all that way certain to fail is not something I want to live with. It's no f*cking fun at all to wince with every step you take and will take the fun out of it, certainly.
...But it's not over.
Not by a long-f*cking-shot.
I have deferred my challenge until September next year. Same distance. Same location. Same course.
I've accepted that a little rebranding of my future videos, etc might be required (0-300K in 9 Months feels a little disingenuous going forward LOL). But this decision means that I can take the rest of this year to really focus on rehab, prehab, strength, conditioning, weight loss, etc before I push any meaningful running distance.
I have been dogged with injury through the entire journey I've been on, and it's time to look after myself a little and get the issues properly addressed. Back problems. Ankle problems. Heel problems. Achilles problems. It's all added up and hit me hard mentally and physically. I've had some significant wins along the way, not least completing the 100km Jurassic Coast Ultra running while starting that injured! This is progress, given my 84km DNF last year.
Given what I've done so far, I know I can take the pain. I know I can commit and put in the work (even while living a very busy home and work life). I've no doubt after the above that I can do this, and it gives me comfort knowing that. Truth be told, I might have been able to run the 300km, the big concern is lasting permanent damage in attempting it in 6 weeks time considering the problems I have. I can cope with the pain, I have done throughout. I'd just like to be able to enjoy it a bit before the hurt comes on, hence the decision to defer until next year.
It hit home for me while on holiday last week. I was quietly limping along the seafront in Portugal with my family, only to have my teenage daughter mercilessly mock me for wincing.
I'm working hard on my mindset right now and some big stuff that is life-long is being tackled. I'm beginning to push through some deep stuff that I recognise is contributing to the subconscious sabotage of my efforts. Through this last 8 months I have learned so much more about myself than I knew was there, and I can only see that as a win. It's the kind of thing that will have an impact on everything I do and am working for in my life. That said, the decision to postpone this is a good one. It's doing the right thing. It's doing the right thing for ME. That's what is especially important here as I have to live with the consequences of making a poor decision that could leave me permanently damaged.
In fact, this is something I've recently picked up on, about it not being about anyone else's expectations other than my own. I'm taking my ego out of the equation, along with 'pleasing others', and giving myself the opportunity not simply to finish it, but to perform well while doing so. That means grounding my expectations based on me, rather than of the world around me.
The Charity fundraising will still be there as the donation page is left open until I take it on next year. I am most definitely doing this challenge. But it is a long road that I'm on. It's a journey that is involving me turning around so much of the damage done to my body over the years. I'm tackling deep-seated self-limiting matters of my mind in order to complete something I was in absolutely no shape to complete less than a year ago.
What I've already come to learn is that, despite others' perceptions about me being a big, heavy, busted up ageing guy (the very antithesis of an ultra-runner), I have already completed 4 running ultra marathons IN SPITE OF the above. That's quite a thing in such a short space of time from where I started. It's an achievement I will celebrate, and take the vast array of lessons from, into this next phase.
The focus from here is to build strength and consistency without pushing too far too fast in order to rush to get it done. It's time to build the foundations properly, eliminate more of the weaknesses, and then reconstruct the house the right way... brick-by-brick.
I've mentioned previously that this is so much more than simply running a long way. It's more than getting fitter and healthier. It's more than I ever imagined it'd be. It's a top to bottom, inside-out rebuild of me. That was only ever going to take time. I've decided to give myself the time to do this right. I'll be sure to keep updating you through the blog along the way... Thanks for reading.
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