As much as we think we are certain about the outcomes of our goals, the vast majority of time it is in fact hopeful of them. When you boil it all down we spend most of our time uncertain about the future.
This is a running blog, but for me it's about (and has become) tracking a personal journey that is so much more than just diet, training frameworks, injury updates and progress. It really is a journey I'm on to learn about myself. My strengths, weaknesses, wins, losses, changes, patterns and my mind... and how to transform myself and fulfil more of my potential.
We often set out on a target thinking we are certain of the outcome. That we'll hit that goal, meet that pace, win that deal, hit that distance, buy that car, meet that girl, etc, etc. Regardless of the goal, the reality is we are uncertain much of the time at our deepest levels.
We puff our chest out, stick our chin out, talk a great game etc... but let's be honest here, how many times does your body tell you it's not as certain as you pretend it is? That little pang of doubt, the flutter of butterflies in the stomach, that instant fleeting sinking feeling moment. It's subtle, and we sweep it away quickly. But our body tells us, because that's how our unconscious mind expresses so much of what it really believes.
Don't believe me? Think of a big aspiration you have that you really want to achieve? It can be anything. Think about it as honestly as you can and then notice how your body really feels about it? A subtle lurch in the chest or stomach? An empty weakness/stiffness in the hands? Or it might be a twinge of your muscles in the neck, feet, ankles, legs?
If you feel anything like that, then just ask yourself what is the truth about this feeling? Is it genuine excitement? A twinge of doubt? Or are you quietly shitting yourself in terror at the prospect?
I've made no secret that of late I am taking massive action to work through my 'stuff' that has been sabotaging and getting in the way. It comes at a cost that's both financial and time-based, but it's an investment in myself I simply have to make. Not just to run a long way, but to move through the glass ceiling I've put in my own way in many areas of my life, and to also set the example for people close to me (especially my children) to light a path for them to grow from as well. This has become waaaay bigger than simply to 'run a very long way'.
This running a 'very long way' has been felt in the pit of my stomach. From the moment I signed up to do it, to the full course fly-through, and right up until yesterday where I had a stomach lurch on the challenge's private Facebook group when people started talking about how well their training is going, while I'm still sorting out my achilles/ankle/heel dilemma. 11 Weeks. The clock is ticking, and it's ticking loudly!
Right in that moment yesterday, I knew I have uncertainty. Not in the outcome, as that will always be uncertain and I'm ok with that.. no, it's uncertainty in myself... and THIS is what I'm focused on changing.
Progress-wise, I've had a different treatment this week and one I think will yield results. Brad my osteo took the time to 'pop' my ankle which I've been feeling is slightly out of place as no amount of rest was working to really solve the heel pain issue. It was painful, and it's bloody sore today but it feels different than it has done. Maybe this is the moment? The point where, combined on my work on my mindset and the very deep unconscious behaviours that have got in my way, that I take another step forward into a slightly newer me. I can feel a greater certainty brewing. I can feel the doubts a little less in my body. Maybe this is the point of change I needed to go through? Either way, I've banked plenty of miles in my legs and I'm a big believer in muscle memory. If I can get back to running relatively pain-free over the next week or so then I can recover the mileage in my legs quick enough to do this challenge. But the outcome will be uncertain until the challenge is over. You simply cannot be 100% certain of the future. What you can be certain on is in each progressive action you can take on the journey to getting where you want to go. I need to back myself to be certain in testing, adapting, changing until I know what works best for me and my body. I need to be certain that deep down I am 'good enough' rather than let the rest of the world/opinions/stereotypes/etc define what is or is not possible to achieve. To coin a quote: If you think you can't, you're right. One thing I am certain on is that I am definitely taking on the issue. I am facing it. I am working on it, and I am progressing... In a causal universe, when you change one thing you change everything. I am changing one big thing and that can only result in a changed outcome, because I have changed the trajectory that I've been on. What that outcome fully looks like, only time will tell... but I feel much more certain than I did a week ago... and step by step progress is a good thing.... Thanks for reading.
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